All episodes

Here’s a tale of RPGs and the eternal struggle between GMs and PCs. With squirt guns.

Noah tells another poorly-remembered tale of RPGs derailed and players embarrassed, this time of Vegan Steve’s moments of short-lived glory and inevitable downfall, of power corrupting, and of wishes granted.

A story of the meanest, most depraved thing I’ve ever done to another human being. And I’m not proud of it, but it is pretty funny.

In which I discuss a fundamental problem with any Star Wars RPG and the nature of dramatic storytelling conflicting with human pragmatism!

A tale of exile and shame, in which I screw the rules and go on a mad PC killing spree with the most unlikely of hitmen.

Some of the worst runs of dice I’ve ever seen!

Spoony explains the best ways to get started playing RPGs!

A weird tale about a very drunk young man with remarkable endurance.

A tale of a very bad Vampire LARP and why Spoony is not a player to be lightly fucked with if you don’t want your campaign completely demolished.

My iconic character goes on a surreal journey, literally down the rabbit hole all the way to Dungeonland.

Bennett the Sage guests hosts in this special edition of Counter Monkey, in which he brings some homebrew monsters and items from his RPG past!

Spoony tells the tale of his Thieves’ World campaign, in which some players get a little too…excited.

The party decides to deal with their arch-nemesis, the immortal Tempus Thales, in the only way they can: the Chicago Way.

Spoony talks about one of the most divisive issues in the history of roleplaying: alignment.

This story is posted with some reservations, but it just goes to show, you meet all kinds around the gaming table.

Secret storyteller secrets from the dungeonmaster himself!

How to get the party to go anywhere, do anything, fight anyone! But you can only do it once!

Absolutely goddamn right.

Your characters will never feel clean again.

There is a fine line between being good at bluffing and becoming the clown nobody ever believes. You don’t want to go from cleverness to making the game goofy, because you’ll frustrate the DM and get the players into a lot of trouble when you go off being ridiculous.

Dragons don’t fight fair.

How to be a team player– or more importantly, not be that guy who gets everyone else killed.

Hey Cyclops, what do you do this round? Hey, it’s not a very good episode, but it gets better!

Remember when you kicked the shit out of Demogorgon in Baldur’s Gate 2, even when everyone told you it was stupid, and pointless, and actually WORSE than pointless because it would set him free from his imprisonment? Yeah, and you went and did it anyway, didn’t ya?

Roll 1d100 Sanity Loss for your one chance at GLORY!!

The long and barely-coherent rant about superheroes, alien gods, and a hobbit named Fatty finally concludes.

She’s just not that into you.

Just about rule #1 of livin’ in the Cage, berk.

I’m evil, and I don’t care who knows it!

We take a look at one of my favorite RPGs and its exciting new revival as a game by CD Projekt Red! Cyberpunk 2077!

You’d think computers in the cyberpunk future would make things a lot faster, right? Then why are most of us sitting around playing with ourselves waiting on the decker?

That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange weapons and technology, even cyberpunks will die.

If you’re getting to a battle, might as well jump in the line and take your standard action in time.

I found the book with all the creepy dolls! Dolls…OF THE DARK FUTURE!

Block this, Yoda. And yeah, HK-47 did it better.

Listen up, ya primitive screwheads.

I’m not exactly the guy to ask for advice when it comes to getting along with people, you know.

Because good is dumb.

They come at you in all shapes, all sizes, and in all sides.

A dungeon with invisible walls, invisible doors, and invisible treasure guarded by an invisible dragon.

He who does not watch this video has forgotten the face of his father.

It’s a sort of riddle for you veteran dice-slingers out there.

Shoot the hostage.

What’s a paladin? Strahd knows.

Now you can play the RPG that resurrects the glory years of the WWE. Play wrestlers such as the Bashams! The Un-Americans! The Gymini! The Dicks! Mark Jindrak! And Kenzo Suzuki! Behold, tales of my brief days on a lame e-fed when I learned that all of my characters were ECW ripoffs (whether I knew it or not) and a look through the WWE “Know Your Role” RPG, made after they got the F out.

FINALLY… the Monkey HAS COME BACK… home… And you live in a dimension where Johnny Polo has been officially given a stat-block in a licensed RPG. You’re welcome.

We can destroy the campaign faster that way.

Sometimes crits just break your heart.

Mats, minis, and markers! Just be sure to keep the markers straight.

My cleric sees you bleeding and casts Sexual Healing.

The Cocksheath of Pleasure: It's ribbed and enchanted for her pleasure.

A Lion and Crane Dueling for honor. I think? Spoony sashimi.

Maybe if we called it "Paragon, But Not an Asshole About It." Lighten up, people.

Nature's wrath is unleashed upon my Pathfinder group, and our wizard finds love in the most unlikely of places. Sometimes it just falls right in your lap.

If I can be serious for a minute, I'd like to share the brief but impactful tale of Young Spoony's first character: a Lawful Good fighter with pure intentions and lofty dreams of becoming a hero. Alas, his was a journey cut tragically short by one too many drinks.

There are some things even the Universal Translator and Google can't decipher. It all looks like Wingdings to me.

Tandem started out with a bit of an identity crisis. Picking fights, falling in with the wrong crowd, and playing a sell-out concert at Stonehenge. And oh, how they danced.

Someone pulled the toothpick out of the Cosmic Cheeseburger.

Sometimes, the only thing that will hit is a critical miss.

Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly...?

Take a hot, steamy look beyond the beaded curtain at the most sensual of blue magic: Nymphology. But beware the Creamy Ooze...

The ultimate heel, and he's on a mission from Evil.

Moses knows what paladins are.

It's a wild & wonderful story of one man's peculiar magical gift and his bizarre inheritance that helps shape his future as a conquering hero. All of it undone in one berserk round and a toss...

The mother of all migraines. Remember, there is no three-finger touch.