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Listen! Funhaus doesn't do antics. Or shenanigans. Or spoofs and goofs. We don't mess around with larks, gags, capers, or monkeyshines. This is a fucking tomfoolery channel. Don't ever forget it.

To be fair to Jon, if those young coeds didn't want to get crammed into a chest freezer, then they shouldn't have all walked around looking sort of like his mother.

cour·​age (noun) | \ ˈkər-ij , ˈkə-rij \ Definition- : mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty : makes a king out of a slave, makes the flag on the mast to wave, makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist or the dusky dusk, makes the muskrat guard his musk, makes the Sphinx the 7th Wonder, makes the dawn come up like thunder, makes the Hottentot so hot, puts the "ape" in apricot, what they got that you ain't got : a cowardly dog

Just like the original Mickey Mouse Club, only whiter and with fewer filthy commie sympathizers.

My wife and I roleplay every once in a while to keep things interesting. She gets really into being the "Sexual Disappointed Woman in Cheerleader Costume" to my "Guy Going to CVS To Get Batteries For Vibrator". It's pretty hot.

Jacob Fullerton currently holds the world records for dewiest eyes, kindest smile, most adorable tushy, and most consecutive orgasms given to your mom.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, “Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!” Quoth the Raven “Build The Wall!”

Sadly, after founding Funhaus and laughing along with us for over five years, Kyle has decided to leave the channel to focus on his personal projects. We wish him nothing but the best. Check out his new content at twitch.tv/totallynotfictionalperson

I saw Jacob's wiener in the office bathroom once. It shot out of his fly, looked right at me, and yelled "Tee Chuta Hhat Yudd! Coochoo wonky ma pe gassa", then retracted before he slowly lowered his pants to use the urinal.

Any coward can abandon his family at the first sign of hardship. It takes a real man to stick it out and slowly kill himself with alcohol and regret. See you in therapy, Pumpkin!

Has anyone ever actually motorboated or is it just one of those fake positions frat boys joke about like the "Donkey Punch" or "Cowgirl"?

The only thing I'm thirsty for is the crisp refreshing taste of Sunny Delight. With its citrusy tang and 100% of your daily Vitamin C, kids and moms can agree that Sunny D truly is "The Stuff Kids Go For"© and that the makers of Purple Stuff should die trapped in a house fire.

Fellas, I know dating can be very frustrating in this difficult time but that's no excuse to not be a gentleman. Always be considerate of your quarantine lover and allow them to choose whether you wear a mask OR a condom.

I know this is a difficult time for everybody and money is tight, but if you can spare anything at all please donate to our GoFundMe to get Jacob a fucking window shade.

In the spirit of this episode I should admit that it was wrong of me to claim that I have the prettiest wiener in the greater Bay Area and surrounding unincorporated regions. Technically there's one in Stockton that makes mine look almost ordinary by comparison. I hope someday I can regain your trust. Thank You.

I thought dumping my entire savings into "RyanCoin" would be a smart move but all I ended up with was a wrinkled Arby's bag full of Pogs with the letter "R" scratched into them.

Here's a hot Zoom romance tip: Add a touch of realism by changing your background to a place that you'd normally take a date. You know, like a Sizzler or that abandoned paper mill the cops never check.

Wanna be a part of the Funhaus team? Just do what I did: Work hard, pay your dues, be friends with Bruce since you were 16, and learn Adobo Photography Shop or whatever.

This obsolete millennial is more than happy to let you Gen Z go-getters take over. I just found a streaming channel that plays nothing but 90s American Gladiators that'll keep me out of your way until you've fixed everything.

The wettest member of Funhaus is whoever happens to be glancing over at Jacob's station while he's enjoying his midday giant swirly lollipop break.

Yes. Gimmicks are played out. I concur. This is a video. A video in which comments from the YouTube content sharing platform are responded to in sequence by a paid employee of Funhaus, at times in a humorous manner. If you wish, please express your enjoyment of this video by watching another from this selfsame channel. Thank you.

Bruce and I actually got to see Reel Big Fish live back in high school. He played it cool until the horns kicked in for "Sell Out", then came so hard three pairs of checkered Vans shot out of his wiener.

Welcome back to the KFUN Morning Show! (fart noise) It's four minutes past the top of the hour and you're here with J-Wills (female moan) and Special K! (slide whistle). Coming up next we've got traffic and weather (toilet flush) plus Producer Wheezy will be passing out stickers at that handjob parlor that used to be a Tower Records! (bike horn, record scratch, some bullshit from Big Bang Theory)

We were gonna make a Jon Smith beefcake calendar but had to put the project on hold after three consecutive photographers masturbated themselves to death without taking a single shot.

The real mystery is how six intelligent grown ass adults can't seem to figure out the rules to the game they came up with.

I'd happily give John Holland power of attorney and murder a few co-eds if it meant I got to float around his sweet pool and eat BBQ all day.

Fawkin' Ryan bettah wawtch his mouth! Soon as I get offah my shift at Dunkies in Summuhville I'm gawna knawk his fawkin' teeth out. Go Pats!

Bad Boy Jacob will kick in your door, carefully wipe his feet on the mat, make skilled and attentive love to your mother, then never call her back except on her birthday and the occasional Christmas.

The only thing I'm thirsty for is the refreshing tangy goodness of Sunny D! Now with 11 flavors, find the Sunny that's right for YOU! Sunny Delight: Boldly Original! That, or the mom from Mr. Belvedere.

Ugh. Pickle backs are one of those things that nobody really likes but pretends to just to seem cool. Like Jazz music or Jon Smith

Dammit! TikTok is still relevant? I was really hoping it would be one of those things that seemed like a big deal but I could quickly stop caring about. Y'know, like fidget spinners or my wife's emotional needs.

I'm surprised Ryan tried to spook us with a fake cloth face mask when he could've just used one of the dozen real ones slowly curing in his parents' crawl space.

To make a true dry Martini, you only want Prue to breathe a gentle mist of Vermouth over the glass before wringing the Beefeater Gin straight from Mary Berry's liver.

This video is brought to you by Waterbeds! Waterbeds: Making sex somehow even more shameful and embarrassing since 1968!