Poster for Stellar Firma

Podcast (All Platforms) 2019 - 2021 3 seasons 76 eps Ended

Stellar Firma

2019 - 2021 3 seasons 76 eps

Season 3

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Specials

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

25 min

S3 · E51 · Dec 4, 2020

Cafés and Camouflaged Episode 51

*Caution* Citizen Employee Geistman and Clone David 7 still at large. Fugitives should not be approached... or seen... no-one would want to escape the love of the board... please disregard the words “at Large” and “Fugitives” in this notification. If any employee notsees the notfugitives please inform your nearest Line Manager. HAIL THE BOARD

22 min

S3 · E52 · Dec 11, 2020

Games of Spies and Guns of Paper Episode 52

*Caution* Citizen Employee Geistman and Clone David 7 still at large. Intelligence gathered by an undisclosed line manager known only as Plartro Hiltz working with the kind assistance of Fernsworth, Head of Sabotage and Espionage. None shall escape The Board... or would want to... Hail The Board!

29 min

S3 · E53 · Dec 18, 2020

Mentors and Management Consultancy Episode 53

Consultants successfully recaptured, alert level lowered to alternating blue and green strobes. Paradrak Ngelion assigned for orientation. The client, The Eternal Order of Patriarch Hans, requests fundraising and image improvement advice to help combat the impact of their murderous activities. Management Consultants' advice: exciting new mission statement; sotto voce logo slogans; bowel cleaning eye machine (unrelated); BANG; dusky glances; self-reflecting commands; vouchers for horrifying products.

28 min

S3 · E54 · Dec 25, 2020

Unions and Unsustainable Ideology Episode 54

The Client, New O'Neal Commercial and Industrial Hyperdynamics and Lotion Innovations, requests assistance with unionisation issues and general employee loyalty issues. Management Consultants' advice: recontextualise definition of terms; unions are stupid; learn to love the boot; unions eat your legs; hats of nitiation; unions give you wrinkles; eat the boot; initiate ‘funchat'; hold ‘funchat’ in the backup airlock.

27 min

S3 · E55 · Jan 1, 2021

Defiance and Defection Episode 55

Management Consultancy Review. Line Manager Hartro Piltz to assess initial consultancy efforts, largely from bed for what can only be assumed to be efficiency reasons. Bill for destruction of celebratory sparkling slurry to be applied to Line Manager’s expense account.

26 min

S3 · E56 · Jan 8, 2021

Proselytising and (some) Progress Episode 56

The client, the Gademy Academy For Scholarly Hollers, is looking for budget and spending advice (ideally yelled) to help with their financial difficulties. Management Consultants’ advice: Not being a weak-necked fool; aggressively loud fonts; traditional organic unassisted yelling; more spartinacity; unclear pamphlets; misleading signs.

28 min

S3 · E57 · Jan 15, 2021

Histrionics and High-Handedness Episode 57

The client, Zeith Fel, is looking for ideas for new productions for The Diabolical Flotilla Actors’ Guild to tour in the upcoming season. She has found that audiences are dwindling for their tours across the galaxy (entirely unconnected to the entirely justifiable destructive actions of Stellar Firma) and are in need of a hit. Management Consultants’ advice: a roster of updated “classics”, react to the pretend, pretend real knives, historical re-enactment, shattered bums, execute the fool, sexy wedding, the end?

25 min

S3 · E58 · Jan 22, 2021

Ecology and External Assistance Episode 58

The client, Goral Throgmar of the Construct-A-Creature corporation, is requesting legal assistance due to mounting complaints against them for creating “monstrosities” that are “killing people”. The bailiffs are on the way to take their eyes. Management Consultants’ advice: lie about your address, reframe the debate, corporate bonding monstrosity, be a turgid plant, utilise the googly eyes, hot slap pyramid.

24 min

S3 · E59 · Jan 29, 2021

Censuses and Couplets Episode 59

The Client Corthinos the Perplexed of the Placaters of Planetary Puzzles is requesting assistance due to the increasingly puzzling planets created by Stellar Firma Ltd. making it impossible to placate their deeply confused owners. Management Consultants’ advice: deploy the Puzzlemaster, bake the active yeast, eat the chard, designatory japes, bring the knowledge bus pass, PUZZLEDOG!, pack your jorts, embarrass your way to success, hide things in hair, eat the pretzel of death.

31 min

S3 · E60 · Feb 5, 2021

Ferns and Further Intel Episode 60

After an unscheduled visit from Fern Creature, Line Manager Hartro Piltz assesses ongoing consultancy efforts. Line manager also conducts basic interrogation resistance training with variable success.

27 min

S3 · E61 · Feb 12, 2021

Viciousness and Vice Admirals Episode 61

A client who would prefer to maintain their anonymity (known only as Scarlette) is looking for advice on at what point below board transactions spill over into full blown space piracy. Records also indicate that consultants were joined by Vice Admiral Fun for motivational support reasons. Management Consultants’ advice: imaginary gifts of pity, make sad horse glue, moral quandary anaphylaxis, party games, mind balloons, elephant husbandry, flamboyant piracy in the name of the board, space parties.

30 min

S3 · E62 · Feb 19, 2021

Temporal Woes and TimeBot Shows Episode 62

The Time Management division would like help with the many dangerous time pockets that are created in the day-to-day product of planets. This will improve safety, productivity, and much more importantly cut down on staff overtime. Management Consultants’ advice: Laser Hawkapult TM, public/private money vortex, honk snakes, hammer forms, Board cans, SPLT treaties, girthy brain, strategic black-holes, time = gravity (no arguments), time annex, countdownium, TimeBots.

25 min

S3 · E63 · Feb 26, 2021

Crushing Tables and Dreams Episode 63

Antoinette-Marie of The Happy Earth Zoo is having issues with knowing which of her animals are going to maul or eat visitors to the Zoo, or failing that, how not to be held responsible. Management Consultants’ advice: Burn down the zoo, disclaimers, hug-chomp Venn diagram, check the face for chompers, sub-Trexel sizing, poison?, lovely eyes, keep-away sticks, out-of-sight pit, have three tables, safety holes everywhere.

27 min

S3 · E64 · Mar 5, 2021

Magical Chutes and Moral Cahoots Episode 64

The Supreme Blagwith is finding that The Supreme Blagwith’s worshipper-employees are not dying fast enough due to concerns of “not wanting to be dead” and The Supreme Blagwith would like advice on how to make The Supreme Blagwith’s worshipper-employees die more efficiently. Management Consultants’ advice: A big grinder, tenants following the tenets of tennis, fright market activity FUTHER REPORT REDACTED BY LINE MANAGER HARTRO PILTZ

24 min

S3 · E65 · Mar 12, 2021

Apathy and Antagonisation Episode 65

Line Manager Hartro Piltz proposes a fundamental change to team structure in response to non-specified performance-related issues during routine inquisitation and bequestionment.

26 min

S3 · E66 · Mar 19, 2021

Nets and New Contributions Episode 66

Stefan Beetlevox, Head Bartender of The Cosmic Lounge, is concerned about a downturn in sales and would like advice on regaining market share. Management Consultants’ advice: musical mind parasites, targeted smear rapping, knives, branded graph friends (coasters), wider vents, remove facial recognition, more customer hierarchy and teen novel angst.

23 min

S3 · E67 · Mar 26, 2021

Sagacity and Social Mobility Episode 67

Makvala Agryris is a representative of CRISPR, a company that re-animates pets for their owners but have been too successful in developing the cognitive abilities of their customers' creatures. They require advice as to how to keep their customers happy now that the pets are showing a desire to build up military might. Management Consultants’ advice: activate Lounge Mode, hold hands, bathroom intelligences, big pointless novels, fully visible globes, communicate using maddening animal sounds, animal control orbs.

25 min

S3 · E68 · Apr 2, 2021

Slides and Sass Episode 68

Count Eugenia Rutalowska of the Count's Corporeal Carpet Cleaning Company needs assistance due to a logistical mishap i.e. instead of carpet cleaner they now have cabernet. Management Consultants’ advice: sass, backchat, no brain socks, mean puppets, nude hands, onesies only, give glove puppets a chance, competitive hate, pop up bar experience, cabernet clubhouse, mash pope, canyams, reward slides.

26 min

S3 · E69 · Apr 9, 2021

Posturing and Proliferation Episode 69

Alisón Prince-Bruleé of the Intergalactic Coalition of Toaster Repair Excellence Acknowledgement Board is receiving a huge number of submissions, due to the ambiguous classification of what is and is not a toaster. They need help either with narrowing the definition or with improving the systems that deal with the submissions. Management Consultants’ advice: tumble your head, drawings of toasters, cut off your won arm, hidden threats, toaster disarmament, mutually assured confusion.

30 min

S3 · E70 · Apr 16, 2021

Self-Assessment and Self-Advancement Episode 70

Line Manager Hartro Piltz conducts an entirely impartial self-assessment of the team to ascertain how well they think they have done. The results may shock you - or not - but regardless, all assessments are final once signed off by a line manager.

32 min

S3 · E71 · Apr 23, 2021

Bathin and Ballistics Episode 71

Head of Ballistics Akteraks is providing introductory training to the new Senior Consultants for Business Warfare. Yula Nozz has informed us that Pokey & Beam Space Law is looking to organise a class action space suit (different to a spacesuit) against Stellar Firma Ltd, in order to prevent it from damaging the natural planetary development of the universe any further. Strategic War Plan: immediately abandon mediation; vomit; dramatic irony; door to door violence; lick the handles; hidden hover cat leavings; veiled threats.

20 min

S3 · E72 · Apr 30, 2021

Clone Suite and Clandestine Succour Episode 72

Gloreetaa, copyright lawyer, has informed us that The Discoballers are menacing any company involved in the production of spheres, as they claim they have copyright. Strategic War Plan: a fifth column of legal bees; quandary camp songs for morale; fire; funk antithesis; therapists (assassins(?)); sympathetic fireworks; talk to Terry.

23 min

S3 · E73 · May 7, 2021

Moths and Miraculous Empathy Episode 73

Penelope Dorp has informed us that The Weavers of the Grand Mum Guild, purveyors of the finest of mass produced Knitware have started making hostile plans against Stellar Firma for refusing lucrative Knitware tie-in deals and encouraging people towards warmer, sunnier, non-sweater-based holidays. Strategic War Plan: discover selfish empathy; totally don’t side with the enemy; welcome a woollen god; candy handbag diplomacy; judgmental moth snobs; faux carboard moth rocket; creative encyclopaedia editing.

26 min

S3 · E74 · May 14, 2021

Tardigrades and Thin Ice Episode 74

Micro-invertebrate 32-SDJ-6962 is informing on Tardigrades, just in general, as the Tardigrades feel that Stellar Firma’s many construction projects destroy many of their micro-invertebrate farms. Given their incredible ability to survive almost any environment they surely pose a threat. Strategic War Plan: give up and surrender - the Tardigrades are our new leaders *CAUTION CAUTION SEDITION SEDITION* false alarm... just a play; coat ourselves in honey; milk the big bee; don’t sell Trexel a baby carrier.

28 min

S3 · E75 · May 21, 2021

Meaningless Infights and Meeting Invites Episode 75

*CAUTION* Stakeholders meeting called. All other activities immediately cancelled. Line Managers, return to your teams for observation and preparation for Stakeholder announcements.

39 min

S3 · E76 · May 28, 2021

Elections and Endings Episode 76

Wonderful and terrible news! The Shareholders are meeting to elect a new member of The Board for the first time in our glorious history. For your safety and enjoyment, you are reminded to remain in your quarters at all times until notified otherwise.

26 episodes in Season 3

Some details come from TheTVDB.

“Build your planet, keep in line… also clones.” Stellar Firma is a weekly Science Fiction, Comedy podcast following the misadventures of Stellar Firma Ltd.'s highest born but lowest achieving planetary designer Trexel Geistman and his bewildered clone assistant David 7. Join them each episode as they attempt to take listener submissions and craft them into the galaxy's most luxurious, most expensive and most questionably designed bespoke planets.

Comedy Action Science Fiction Podcast

Where to watch

Not streaming anywhere

Not on any streaming service in United States, and not available to rent.

Your rating

Your review

Cast

2 people

Ben Meredith

David 7

Tim Meredith

Trexel Geistman

Total runtime 30h 24m · Episode length 24 min · Country United Kingdom

Show info

Premiered

February 15, 2019

Final episode

May 28, 2021

Status

Ended

Network

Podcast (All Platforms)

Country

United Kingdom

Episode length

24 min

Total runtime

30h 24m

Original language

English

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Some details come from TheTVDB.

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